Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Tidbits from the National Enquirer

Mother gave me another stack of National Enquirers, so I have all the latest news. Here are just a few tidbits:
That's rocker Martyn Lenoble on the left. He's Christina Applegate's latest beau, and they have been spotted holding hands and kissing deeply as they shop in Beverly Hills. (Wish she would talk the poor boy into getting some dental work done. I'd be happy to call my dentist, Dr. Kinney Slaughter. He does great work.)
Angelina Jolie has given birth to twins, a boy and a girl. But it seems things are not going so well at the Jolie/Pitt chateau in France. As soon as Angelina got home from the hospital, totally give-out, weak, and sore from her C-section, the four kids ran out, jumped into her lap and stomped on her incision. Ouch!
Angelina told Brad they're all jealous of the new babies and need her attention, so she decided to have them take turns sleeping with her. That didn't set too well with Brad, of course, so she freaked out.
"You are all driving me nuts!" she yelled, throwing her hands in the air.
It will only get worse; Angelina told a friend she plans to adopt two more orphans, which will bring the total number of kids in the household to eight. Yes, eight.
Poor Brad is probably wondering where it will all end. Perhaps he should schedule an appointment with Dr. Phil. He makes house calls now; I hear he went to Britney Spears' home and had a little talk with her.
But, now that I think of it, Phil would probably have only one question for Angelina: "What is the trade-off?"
Speaking of Dr. Phil, his wife has kicked him out again. She's telling pals he's verbally abusing his staff, humiliating her with his ratings stunts, and trying to control her.
But what put Robin in a seething snit was when she tried to talk to him about something that was really bothering her. She is planning a few more procedures on her face and breasts--a nip here, a tuck there--and she's a little nervous about it. But Phil didn't even try to comfort her. All he wanted to know was what it would cost.
"I've had it!" Robin yelled, "I'm divorcing you, so pack your stuff and get out!"
"Call off this divorce, Robin," Dr. Phil begged, "For the love of God!"
Maybe Robin and Larry King should get together and commiserate. Larry is telling friends he can't take it anymore. His wife, Shawn, is in rehab for pill dependency, and as soon as she gets out, he plans to divorce her.
"The pill dependency is just the tip of the iceberg," Larry tells friends, "We fight and argue all the time."
But that is not the worst of it. Early this year, the couple got into a slap-fest outside the Beverly Hills deli, Nate'n Al's. Larry wanted to sit with pals, but Shawn wanted to sit in a booth, away from his friends. Larry exploded in anger when Shawn stormed out. He followed her and grabbed her by the arm, so she turned around and slapped him across the face.
Larry, who is 75, didn't back off. "You dirty whore!" he squalled, pushing her to the car.
On a happier note, looks like 62-year-old Cher is planning to tie the knot again. To a former Hell's Angel, no less. Tim Medvetz is a 6-foot-5 adventurer who climbs mountains. Last year, the 38-year-old scaled Mount Everest. And he had a broken arm at the time.
Although Medvetz has two metal plates in his skull, 10 screws in his left knee, six screws in his foot and a shattered lower back, which is fused together with bolts and a titanium mesh cage, that doesn't faze Cher.
"We have so much in common," she told a friend, "We both love to dress in black leather and wear gothic jewelry."


Suzanne said...

Oh..HA!...thanks for the laughs. Great medley. I suggest you make this a regular feature.

My suggestions for today's subjects:
-Pitt might think of scheduling an appt w/his urologist. It would put an end, at least, to his spawn adding to the madness.
-Robin MacGraw a/k/a The Bride of Botox. Doubtful she is going to conquer her obsession with the tip/tuck/injection at this late date.
-"Slap-fest"--i love it!

PS I would be chemically dependent too if I had to live with Larry King.

Sandra Ree said...

The Cher "news" had me laughing out loud!

I agree with Suzanne, this would be a great regular feature!

He's 38, she's 62, and they have so much in common, dressing in black leather and wearing gothic jewelry, that just cracks me up!

Chris said...

It's refreshing to see the blogosphere picking up the slack, covering the stories too controversial for the major news outlets to touch.

And as a music geek, I can tell you LeNoble is lacking something else as well: fingerprints. Too much bass playing, it seems, and when he first came to the U.S. on tour, he had trouble getting a visa because of it.

Rhonda Hartis Smith said...

I'm visiting your blog from Bubble Babble and your post is so funny-love it! I'm a fellow Kentuckian--Bowling Green. I was near Paducah a couple of weeks ago at Patty's restaurant.

All words and pictures © 2008 Brenda G. Wooley