Friday, March 27, 2009

Horton is Appalled

Horton's Choice
* * *
Bill and I bought a new TV a few days ago. It didn't fit into our old entertainment center, so we decided to buy a new one.
At the first store we visited, we were met by a dignified young man dressed in a pale blue sports coat, dark blue tie, crisp white shirt and a pair of sharply-creased trousers. If I had gotten closer, I'm sure I would have been able to see my face in his shoes.
"Hello," he said, looking us up and down.
The minute I looked him in the face I was speechless; he looked like the clone of a man I worked with in Chicago. His name was Horton.
"Hello," I said, "How're you?"
"Could I help you with something?" he said, flicking a piece of lint from his tie.
"Yes," I said, "We're looking for a small entertainment center."
Horton turned on his shining shoes and took off walking so fast that my face nearly hit his back when he suddenly stopped in front of a huge, ornate entertainment center. (It resembled the one in the above picture.)
He turned, sweeping his hand in a circle as if introducing us to Queen Elizabeth II. "This one is lovely," he said, "One of our best."
Bill frowned, looking up. "Good lord, that's big!"
"And too ornate," I said.
"It's only $4,999," Horton said, giving us a smirk, "Down from $5,650."
"We don't need one that big," I said.
"Or that expensive," said Bill.
Horton's smirk changed to a frown. He spun on his shining shoes and hurried to the next room. "Well, we have this one," he said, stopping at another, "It's not as nice as our top-of-the-line, but some people like it."
It was a little smaller, but too big for what we wanted. It was beautiful; a rich walnut, with multiple shelves, doors. And bookcases on either side.
"That's too big and ornate, too," I said, "But either of those would be a perfect fit for the Biltmore mansion."
Horton was appalled. He straightened his tie and took a deep breath. "Well, what about that one?" he said, pointing to a stand not much bigger than an end table.
"Oh, no," I said, "After what we've seen, that poor little thing looks so sad!"
Bill and I began laughing hysterically, but Horton never cracked a smile. As we walked out the door, he didn't even tell us to have a good day.
Note: We decided to keep our old one. We just knocked a few shelves out, and the new TV fits just fine. Horton would be appalled, though; it's not top-of-the-line.


Rhonda Hartis Smith said...

So funny--I really hate to pick out furniture. I get bogged down with all the choices, grades of furniture blah blah blah. So is the picture at the top the one you got? It's beautiful.

Brenda said...


That's just a picture of the one Horton THOUGHT we should get. (Much too fancy for us...LOL!)

Sophia Rose said...

Funny story...Thanks for visiting my blog.

C.S. said...

Thanks for your comment on my latest post.

I really understand what you mean about the salesman. Wonder if they work on commission? Didn't think store employees did, but who knows in these rough economic times?

Glad you found a way to use the TV stand you had. I have downsized tremendously since DH died, and try to keep from collecting things I will probably never use. I've succeeded fairly well the past 3 years, but lately feel like I can't toss out stuff the way I've been doing.

Suzanne said...

Apparently? Horton thinks he's a Who.

Brenda said...

Ha ha...I knew that was coming, Bizzy!

Chris said...

Oh, dear lord, that thing's a MONSTER! If I had that in my living room, I'd be terrified!

Brenda said...

You and me, too, Chris...LOL!

Anonymous said...

Suzanne took the words from my mouth. Yo, Horton, it's called CUSTOMER SERVICE. harumph!

All words and pictures © 2008 Brenda G. Wooley