Horton is Appalled

Horton's Choice

* * *

Bill and I bought a new TV a few days ago. It didn't fit into our old entertainment center, so we decided to buy a new one.

At the first store we visited, we were met by a dignified young man dressed in a pale blue sports coat, dark blue tie, crisp white shirt and a pair of sharply-creased trousers. If I had gotten closer, I'm sure I would have been able to see my face in his shoes.

"Hello," he said, looking us up and down.

The minute I looked him in the face I was speechless; he looked like the clone of a man I worked with in Chicago. His name was Horton.

"Hello," I said, "How're you?"

"Could I help you with something?" he said, flicking a piece of lint from his tie.

"Yes," I said, "We're looking for a small entertainment center."

Horton turned on his shining shoes and took off walking so fast that my face nearly hit his back when he suddenly stopped in front of a huge, ornate entertainment center. (It resembled the one in the above picture.)

He turned, sweeping his hand in a circle as if introducing us to Queen Elizabeth II. "This one is lovely," he said, "One of our best."

Bill frowned, looking up. "Good lord, that's big!"

"And too ornate," I said.

"It's only $4,999," Horton said, giving us a smirk, "Down from $5,650."

"We don't need one that big," I said.

"Or that expensive," said Bill.

Horton's smirk changed to a frown. He spun on his shining shoes and hurried to the next room. "Well, we have this one," he said, stopping at another, "It's not as nice as our top-of-the-line, but some people like it."

It was a little smaller, but too big for what we wanted. It was beautiful; a rich walnut, with multiple shelves, doors. And bookcases on either side.

"That's too big and ornate, too," I said, "But either of those would be a perfect fit for the Biltmore mansion."

Horton was appalled. He straightened his tie and took a deep breath. "Well, what about that one?" he said, pointing to a stand not much bigger than an end table.
"Oh, no," I said, "After what we've seen, that poor little thing looks so sad!"

Bill and I began laughing hysterically, but Horton never cracked a smile. As we walked out the door, he didn't even tell us to have a good day.

Note: We decided to keep our old one. We just knocked a few shelves out, and the new TV fits just fine. Horton would be appalled, though; it's not top-of-the-line.