The Thrill is Gone

I'm the recipient of a fresh bunch of National Enquirers, thanks to Mother. And I'm a bit concerned about Hugh Hefner.

According to the Enquirer, the Playboy mogul is in a deep state of depression. His three live-in girlfriends (Holly Madison, Bridget Marquardt and Kendra Wilkinson) have flown the coop! The silicone sweeties plan to complete the fifth season of the E! reality hit, The Girls Next Door, and will continue to make appearances with Hef throughout the season. After that, they're outta there.

"It's strictly business now," says an insider, "The thrill is gone."

Why did they all leave? Well, according to friends, the gals wanted romances with guys a lot younger than 82. (Can you imagine?) Two of the buxom blondes already have new boyfriends. And Kendra just got engaged, to a Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver!

I think that just adds insult to injury, don't you?

Friends say the Viagra poster boy was trying to have a baby with Holly not long ago, so I can only imagine how disappointed he must be. He probably dreamed of having a son, crawling around on the floor with him, carrying him on his shoulders, going to all his baseball games. And seeing him off to college when he's 100 years old.

Hef is not a quitter, though. Despite his deep depression and disappointment, he has moved in sexy 19-year-old twins, Kristina and Karissa Shannon.

But he should have checked their references.

Sources report both twins were busted for felony aggravated battery in January, and Karissa was also hit with a misdemeanor battery charge last year. The girls were working at a chicken wing restaurant at the time, and they went to a house party after work with a Wing House co-worker. But trouble started not long after they arrived. It seems they raised such a ruckus at the party (one twin smashing a beer bottle over someone's head) that they both received probation and were ordered to pay restitution.

All I can say is Hef had better sleep with one eye open when they're with him in his big round bed. And put the champagne bottles away.

Or maybe he should just retire his big round bed.